Shawn Bowers: The Website

Name: Sparks
Color: Brown
Description: Foofy ears, medium tail. Stands three foot five on two paws, one foot one on three or four paws. Cannot stand on one paw, despite repeated attempts. Rugged sideburns that would have seemed out of character if you’d have known him a few years ago, but now totally work since he’s lost all that weight. Enjoys the outdoors. Also, rain. Also, political satire with a Republican slant. Will respond to any of the following names: Robert, Rob, Bob, Robert Myers. Will not respond to voicemails. All limbs intact at time of losing. Do not rule out cripple dogs, though, as a lot can happen in a day, and we wouldn’t want to presume anything, even positive things. In the right light, face looks eerily similar to Bertolt Brecht. Creative output, unfortunately, shares no similarities.

Significant reward offered, to be paid in full at time of return unless I don’t have cash on me, at which point reward will be forfeited to dog’s owner (e.g. myself). My children, who I do not have, thank you.