Shawn Bowers: The Website

David, I’m serious this time. Don’t screw around with me. It was funny the first time, and you totally had me going. I’m admitting that. I was ninety nine percent certain that was a real unicorn until you pulled the horn off and started laughing. How the hell would I know what a real unicorn is or isn’t? It’s a mythical creature! I’m not a mythology expert, I’m a dental student!

I shit you not, though, I’m looking over at the horizon and I will be damned if that is not a unicorn. Do you see it? You can see the silhouette against the sunset…there’s a horse’s body and a unicorn’s horn. It has to be a unicorn, right? Agh, why didn’t I bring my camera today?! I had to charge the battery after I photoblogged that charity mini-golf tournament for Susan last weekend. This is so much more valuable than hundreds of shots of mini-golf! So much more valuableeeee.

Hang on, is it coming over here? Don’t look at it, don’t make eye contact. If these unicorns are anything like wolves, they might get intimidated by eye contact or see it as a sign of aggression. Christ, I hadn’t even considered the possible wolf connection before. They could be like wolves in so many other dangerous ways. This could be the tip of the wolf iceberg. No. No, we can’t think like that. Just don’t look at it.

Oh God, I can hear it whinny. I can hear it–hey! Wait a minute. Unicorns don’t whinny. Horses whinny! Is that…that’s a toilet paper roll on its head! Son of a bitch, David, did you do this again? Is this your doing? Well cock me in the balls. No kidding. Yeah, no, you got me. Again. That’s a different horse, too, isn’t it? Where do you get all these horses?

Fine, yes, okay. You got me. You can stop. Fool me once and then fool me twice and I’m an idiot both times. That’s the saying. I really wish you’d tell me where you get all those horses, though, because I cannot for the life of me figure that out. You’re from the city. I’ll tell you what really screwed me up, it was putting the horse off in the distance like that against the sunset. It’s way harder to tell what’s real and what isn’t when it’s silhouetted against a beautiful sunset.

I’ll be honest, I’m glad I don’t have my camera now. Except that is a pretty beautiful horse. That probably still would have made for a decent photo. Shit, now I wish I DID have my camera again. It’s like, when am I going to get another photo op with a horse, you know? You thought you were fooling me, but you were almost doing me a favor, except then you didn’t cause I still forgot my camera.

Seriously, David, just…where did you get all the horses, because–HEY! IS THAT A UNICORN PULLING A HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE?! FIND ME A CAMERA! THIS GAME IS ON!