Myself and my son, Brand Bowers (’00), were walking through the dog park like we do every Sunday. I turned around for a second to toss a squishee frisbee and the next thing I know, my son has been stolen! Oh geez! I didn’t call the cops the cops at first because I ain’t no squeal.
Then, a few days later, I received a note in the mail. It said:
“Dear Shawn Bowers,
I have kidnapped your son, Brand. If you ever to hug him again (and see him), you have to pay me in a currency more valuable than money. You have to get me 500 photos of babies in costumes or else I will leave him in an abandoned warehouse in the warehouse district and he will be eaten by rats. Sorry. You have one calendar year to complete this task.
Signed,
Stexxx”
Whoever this Stexxx guy is really has it in for me and my son! Why does he want these baby photos? What possible use could he have for 500 baby photos? And why couldn’t he just Google Image Search it and find it himself? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, nor do I care to find out.
How am I doing? Well…I have some babies under my belt. That sentence sounds weird. Check out the collection so far:
1 – The Hot Dog Baby
2 – The Flamingo Baby
3 – Iron Man Baby
4 – The Shrek Baby
5 – Law Enforcement Baby
6- The Rainbow Bird Baby
7 – The Lady Gaga Baby
8 – The Billion Dollar Baby
9 – The Whoopie Cushion Baby
10 – The “Elmo That Ate a Baby” Baby
11 – The Ventriloquist Dummy Baby
12-17 – The Star Wars Babies
18 – The Watermelon Baby
19 – The “It’s Actually An Alien” Chicken Baby
20 – The Air Freshener Baby
21 – The Teddy Roosevelt Baby
22 – The Chipotle 18th Anniversary Baby
23 – The Black Green Lantern Baby
24 – The Susan Boyle Baby
25 – The Pizza Who Is Also A Chef Baby
26 – The Michael Jackson Baby
27 – The Leopard Toga Superman Baby?
