Tag Archives: featured

I Like You, But I Don’t Need You

by on April 6, 2010 in Blog

I think tonight may have been a weird kind of turning point night, despite the fact that it also may not have been and I’m just assigning more import to it than I should.  But tonight was a night where I did a show in a space that’s not meant for it, missing half of the cast and without an audience to speak of…and still came out on top.  Here’s the story:

We’re in the midst of our Level 5 Conservatory shows at Second City.  For those that don’t know, we do an 8 week run of a sketch show as the final piece of our study at Second City.  Last week was the first week of the run, and we were told not to get our hopes up because first weeks have about a 70% cancellation rate.  Now why would they cancel a class show for a class that we’re paying for?  Because they haven’t sold 25 tickets for the night.  Kind of a ridiculous system, in my opinion, but I don’t make the rules (I’ll just change them when I open a theatre of my own someday).

But last week we were fine, had a good show with maybe 30-35 people in the crowd.  Not huge, but we’re just testing material right now, so who cares.  Tonight, though, we got canceled.  This wouldn’t have been such a bad thing had my girlfriend Amanda’s parents not been in town to see the show (she’s also in my class, just to clarify).  They weren’t here JUST for this show, but still…they were excited to see it, she was excited to show them, we all wanted to do a show, stuff like that.  So when pulled the plug on us at about a quarter till the first group was supposed to go up, it was a pretty severe disappointment.

Except that wasn’t the end of it.  There were maybe 6 or 7 of us milling about, having just heard the news, and it dawned on us that just because we were canceled didn’t mean we couldn’t still do a show.  Except, of course, all of the rooms in the Training Center were booked with classes or rehearsals, and attempts to gain access to the empty theatre for a private showcase were not met with much approval.  So we found a reception area, with a stairwell.  We sat down Amanda’s parents (and her aunt, who was also in town) on the stairs.  We quickly ran over the running order, cutting the few pieces we couldn’t do with our smaller numbers and swapping in people to play parts as needed.  And then we did a fucking show.

Was it our tightest show?  Who gives a shit.  Our blackouts were coming in the form of yelling “blackout,” our sound cues were coming out of my tiny iPhone speakers.  We played the cards we were dealt.  And yet I still came out of that mini-not-a-real-show feeling better than I have about a lot of recent performances because it just felt fun. It was as much just for us as it was for them, and it reminded me of why I’m doing anything creative to begin with…to do what I like to do and hope that others find something fun in it.

I think we all reach a certain point in our development as creators where it kind of stops being fun…you hit a plateau for awhile, where you’ve been drowning in classes and mediocre performances and being in your head and fighting to find an audience for so long that it’s all you can focus on, and you lose sight of enjoying the thing that you set out to do to begin with.

I want the opportunity to do more shows like tonight.  I want to be able to do a show without the pressure of needing it to change the world.  I want to be able to do a show where I’m not on the line to pay back the theatre for an hour of space, or where I need more than three people to see my work to feel validated about it.  I want to remove the limitations of accessibility that I’ve put onto my stuff and just do what feels right, and if other people don’t dig it, maybe I don’t need them to as much as I did before.

My next show’s about a space station.  Genre stuff.  Not a ton of commercial appeal, I’d imagine.  But I’m going to do it however the hell I want to, in a space that’s not meant for theatre, and I’m going to blow the roof off of it.  I encourage you to do the same, because as backwards as it sounds, I think I’m more inclined to come see your show if I know you don’t need me there to make it the best thing you’ve ever done.  And while I don’t need you to, I do hope you stop by.

We’ll find a comfortable stairwell for you.

Five Great iPhone Games You Should Get

by on March 15, 2010 in Blog

I’m not going to lie to you and say that I haven’t reawakened as an obsessive portable gamer since getting my iPhone for Christmas.  Because I have.  It’s not my fault that there’s a ton of quality software out there for my little wunderphone, or that many of that software happens to be really good and worth playing as more than just an occasional timewaster.  It took me awhile to overcome that hurdle, as I still have nightmares of what mobile gaming USED to be…I’m talking Bubble Pop for your Samsung flip phone.  I shudder at the thought.

And so, like with anything that I discover I like, I’ve become obsessive about finding new games to play.  This is to your benefit, though, as it means I’ve sifted through tons and tons of crap to find some of the gems in the mix to recommend.  MAYBE WE CAN EVEN PLAY TOGETHER (if you have an iPhone or an iPod or an iPad (if you can get ahold of one when they come out (good luck))).

First off, a website recommendation.  Most all of the games on this list were downloaded for free at the time (even if they aren’t free anymore) using a site called AppShopper.com.  Don’t get the wrong idea…they’re not pirated and the site is totally innocuous.  It’s just an App Store tracker that shows when games are having price drops or free days.  I keep AppShopper.com/Prices bookmarked on my phone so I can check it every couple of days and stock up on a batch of new free games to try.  Even if there’s a game you want to actually PAY for, it’s worth it to keep a lookout on this site to see if you can’t save yourself a couple of bucks before you buy.

NOW THE GAMES, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Words With Friends

This one is probably the most common of these games, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth mentioning.  I haven’t spent a ton of time with the official Scrabble app, but it seems to me like they’re doing Scrabble better than Scrabble is.  The fact that you can download the full version of the game, albeit with ads that don’t really get in the way of the experience at all, is also a real selling point over the $4.99 that EA is asking for real Scrabble.  If you want to upgrade to the full version, it’s only $3 and they deserve your money for building a clean, effective word game knock-off.  It’s easy to connect with random opponents and you can have up to 20 games going at a time, so you almost always have a board to play on when you’re bored.

Download Words With Friends now!

Stackus

There are quite a few physics-based games for the iPhone, and some of them are quite good (Finger Physics comes to mind), but this one takes the cake in terms of stacking games.  The concept is simple: you take all the blocks on one side of the screen and restack them in whatever configuration you can on the other side to make a stable structure.  It actually sounds impossibly easy, until you realize that if any piece falls off of the increasingly small platforms you have to work with as bases, you’ll have to start all over.  I keep using the word “clean,” but it’s another example of a game with a very simple art and sound design that really make for a rewarding experience.  The sing-songy countdown clock when you complete your structure and the marimba celebration song upon your success will be stuck in your head for weeks.  And it’s free, though you can download a “Season Two” of 50+ new stages for $1.99 once you work your way through the first 50.

Download Stackus now!

Amateur Surgeon

This is an older title, but worth the mention.  Amateur Surgeon is from Adult Swim Games, and I believe there’s a full free version of it as a Flash game on their website, but it’s perfect for a touch-based game.  Imagine the game Operation, except with better graphics and instead of working in a hospital, you’re doing back alley surgery with chainsaws and staplers.  There’s a simple little story mode that goes along with it, but the game is long for what it is, and the surgeries gradually ramp up difficulty as you’re faced with case after case of bizarre medical emergency.  You’ll detoxify a body of poison, you’ll remove pieces of glass from someones liver, you’ll replace a rapper’s ribs with gold-plated bones and electroshock weird bugs crawling around inside a guy’s heart…and while the game gets a little bloody, it’s all done in an extremely cartoony style that makes even the grossest stuff look cool.

Download Amateur Surgeon now!

Bonus!  The Amateur Surgeon Christmas Edition is a free download that also acts as a semi-sequel to the original game.  If story means nothing to you, try out the gameplay with this short, holiday-themed version!

Alphabetic

Talk about another deceptively simple game…here’s the one-line description: you have to touch the alphabet in alphabetical order.  Except that the alphabet is bouncing and moving and changing color and filling your screen with random letters that you have to scavenge through to find the next item on your list.  The basic game doesn’t have a ton of replay (unless you get into a high score challenge with your girlfriend, which I may or may not have), but there is a Challenge mode as well that offers you specific goals, such as endurance or hitting a certain score or finding double letters.  The game is equipped with OpenFeint achievements as well, for those working on their iPhone gamerscore.

Download Alphabetic now!

Angry Birds


Another game with a great graphic style, Angry Birds is a tower-destroying catapult game packaged as a war between the titular angry birds and a group of evil pigs who have stolen their eggs.  Because that’s a thing.  This is another game that relies heavily on a realistic physics engine for much of its gameplay, but the feeling of knocking down these fortresses by launching specially-powered birds with a slingshot is immensely satisfying.  Best of all, it’s long…which is more rare than I would like for many puzzle games on the iPhone.  There are 105 levels of bird-shooting action for $.99, which is pretty damned good.  There’s a Lite version you can test, but it’s hard to find a better game deal for a dollar.

Download Angry Birds now!

——————–

So there’s a few of my recommendations.  Do you know an awesome game that I should try?  Leave me a comment and I’ll give it a shot!  It’s like they say in the Bible: “You can always find time for more games.”  No?  Maybe not the Bible?  Oh well.

Lady Clown

by on March 4, 2010 in Stories

Alexandra, the lady clown, stared at herself in the mirror.  With a puffy gloved hand, she wiped the thick white make-up off of her face with one of those make-up sponge things, revealing a series of horrible knife scars underneath.  She pulled the curly orange wig off of her head and tossed it on the nearest wig mannequin.

The end of the circus day was the only time she had to herself anymore.  Between the families and children who bothered her during the day and the unruly circus roadies who threw rocks at her trailer at night, there was no rest anymore, just solitude.  But judging by the heavy footsteps she could hear approaching outside, even that was a lost cause tonight.

The rusty tin door crashed open, letting in a burst of stinky elephant poop wind from the big top.  Alexandra’s father, Sergei, stood in the door licking a knife and pointing at her a lot, in the way that infers that you, the person being pointed at, are next.  She was the only person in her trailer, so the pointing was basically unnecessary, but he seemed to enjoy the theatrics.

“How many people did you make laugh today, Alexandra?” her father asked between licks.

She told him fourteen.  The licking stopped abruptly.

“Fourteen.  Pitiful.  That is but five percent of our daily ticket sales, Alexandra.  What kind of shitty clown can only muster five percent of laughter?”

She assumed it was a rhetorical question and continued smearing the last splotches of white from her neck.  Sergei hiked his sagging pants and lumbered over to her, pointer finger fixed like a laser.  He slid the dull edge of the knife’s back down her cheek, leaving a trail of slobber as it moved.  She refused to give him the satisfaction of looking at him, even though he was now trying to do that obnoxious double point from his eyes to hers in the mirror.

“We know what happens when we don’t reach our daily laugh quota, don’t we Alexandra?”

She totally knew, but obstained from nodding.  He flipped the knife in his hand and nicked her cheek in one fell swoop.  A slight string of blood trickled down her cheek, diluting in the saliva tracks her father’s knife had left behind.  It didn’t hurt, really.  Not anymore than the others.  She calmly lifted one of her gloved hands and used the thick foam lycra to wipe her cheek.

Sergei licked the blade clean of his daughter’s blood and awkwardly slid it back into his fanny pack, even though the knife was slightly too long and had to go in at a diagonal.  He zipped it as far as he could and then turned his attention back to his daughter.

“There is nothing funny about what I do to you, Alexandra.  You know this.  Tomorrow, be better.  It is the only way.”

The trailer buoyed slightly as he stepped back out into the night, leaving Alexandra with her quiet.  The cut on her face started bleeding again, and she held the sponge to her face to soak up the last few drops.  The banging of rocks landed on the roof of the trailer, and she could hear some derogatory yelling and a pick-up squeal off in the distance.

Alexandra flipped the switch on the side of the mirror and the make-up bulbs blinked off.  She looked pretty good in the darkness, the same way she looked pretty good with all that clown make-up on.  She smiled at the shadowy reflection in the mirror, stood up from her stool and went to lay down on the burlap cot that she called a bed.  As she lay there staring at the dented tin ceiling of her ramshackle home, the dull pain in her cheek throbbed just enough to provide a little internal rhythm to lull her to sleep.

That night, she dreamed of what her life would have been if she’d just finished that last semester of med school.

InformaShawn: The Complete Series

by on February 8, 2010 in InformaShawn, Video

When I first moved to Chicago, I had very little going on.  Very, very little.  To fill the void and satiate my desire to write, I began producing a short series called InformaShawn.  It’s exactly what it sounds like: wildly useful video-based information that can help you change your life.

I managed to keep it up for 9 episodes before growing lazy, with a bonus 10th episode that resurfaced some months later.  I have more sitting in a drawer that can hopefully get pulled out again soon.  For now, enjoy the original series on one easy-to-scroll page.

Read More…

The Old Unicorn Trick

by on February 7, 2010 in Stories

David, I’m serious this time. Don’t screw around with me. It was funny the first time, and you totally had me going. I’m admitting that. I was ninety nine percent certain that was a real unicorn until you pulled the horn off and started laughing. How the hell would I know what a real unicorn is or isn’t? It’s a mythical creature! I’m not a mythology expert, I’m a dental student!

I shit you not, though, I’m looking over at the horizon and I will be damned if that is not a unicorn. Do you see it? You can see the silhouette against the sunset…there’s a horse’s body and a unicorn’s horn. It has to be a unicorn, right? Agh, why didn’t I bring my camera today?! I had to charge the battery after I photoblogged that charity mini-golf tournament for Susan last weekend. This is so much more valuable than hundreds of shots of mini-golf! So much more valuableeeee.

Hang on, is it coming over here? Don’t look at it, don’t make eye contact. If these unicorns are anything like wolves, they might get intimidated by eye contact or see it as a sign of aggression. Christ, I hadn’t even considered the possible wolf connection before. They could be like wolves in so many other dangerous ways. This could be the tip of the wolf iceberg. No. No, we can’t think like that. Just don’t look at it.

Oh God, I can hear it whinny. I can hear it–hey! Wait a minute. Unicorns don’t whinny. Horses whinny! Is that…that’s a toilet paper roll on its head! Son of a bitch, David, did you do this again? Is this your doing? Well cock me in the balls. No kidding. Yeah, no, you got me. Again. That’s a different horse, too, isn’t it? Where do you get all these horses?

Fine, yes, okay. You got me. You can stop. Fool me once and then fool me twice and I’m an idiot both times. That’s the saying. I really wish you’d tell me where you get all those horses, though, because I cannot for the life of me figure that out. You’re from the city. I’ll tell you what really screwed me up, it was putting the horse off in the distance like that against the sunset. It’s way harder to tell what’s real and what isn’t when it’s silhouetted against a beautiful sunset.

I’ll be honest, I’m glad I don’t have my camera now. Except that is a pretty beautiful horse. That probably still would have made for a decent photo. Shit, now I wish I DID have my camera again. It’s like, when am I going to get another photo op with a horse, you know? You thought you were fooling me, but you were almost doing me a favor, except then you didn’t cause I still forgot my camera.

Seriously, David, just…where did you get all the horses, because–HEY! IS THAT A UNICORN PULLING A HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE?! FIND ME A CAMERA! THIS GAME IS ON!